Well, here I come after disappearing for a long time. Again. Hah.

At this point I'd be surprised if anyone's following me at all. But hey, let me go back to my old 'thing' and pretend I have followers and I'm writing to them.

I actually started this whole thing for an entirely other purpose. I've been holding it back for a long time now, and I've been having such an urge to spam my Tumblr with it, I can't do it anymore. So let me come clean.

...

...

Yep, I have an obsession with Loki. Some of you (readers) have probably sniffed it out of me, 'cause it's been going on for about... 2 years now. It just had a break. And now it(he)'s back.

Of course, this requires going back to the beginning and explaining. Oh, and before that sentence bores you out of your mind and makes you ask yourself why you should give a... *cough* damn, I'll also tell the people that were following me for my "Steven Universe" art (if anyone actually was) how this affects the whole thing ('cause it hell of a lot does *devil smile* ).

... You know SU had massive hiatuses since... May(?) last year, and I survived most of the time...

^{(pretentious-peridot.tumblr.com…, snapbacksteven.tumblr.com/post…)}

... However.... I gave in just at the very end of it (and just when Cartoon Network released the new eps on their app - I was already gone by that time). I wasn't even planning on it. I can't remember how it happened. I just know I really wanted to watch "Ragnarok" and that I....... wait. It came back to me.

I've been following Marvel on several social networks, and "Infinity War" trailers and promos were popping up, as well as a lot of "Black Panther" stuff, and the last movie I watched was "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2" (for those that aren't familiar with Marvel's Cinematic Phases that have been going on for a decade, well... either you go and Google it, or I tell you that there are dozen of movies and other junk that's all connected to each other) - so I decided to catch up. I marathoned Spidey, Ragnarok and Black Panther in less than 24h (I was sick or whatever, so why not), and man, do I not regret doing that.

I mainly did the thing because I wanted for ONCE to watch an upcoming world's number 1 movie in the cinema like a normal person, and I think I managed to do that only once or twice with these... "marvels", since they started coming out. (Yeah, I missed all the "Avengers", "Captain America", "Iron Man" and what-not movies in theaters and watched them at home, like a mere mortal (most on a big HD TV screen, but still).)

... So now I come to my own Phase Two of explaining things:

What

Thor: Ragnarok

did to me. All over again.

(enjoy the music...)

I was looking forward to this movie since 2016, probably before it was even announced. Why? It is so obvious... *chuckles*

But one thing doesn't make sense to me even now, and it's a thing that baffles so many fanboys (and probably a huge amount of fangirls too) out there - how did I manage to, with so many great guys to pick from

- end up falling for the villain? ESPECIALLY because I'M not the type to do so, and never was.

... I guess it all started somewhere around 2012 - when I became a huge Riku fan....

He was the closest thing to "falling for the bad boy" I ever came to. And frankly, it scared me. I was starting to change, and I didn't know if it was for the good or bad. And this was not a good sign. XD

So how did the thing with Loki start?

When I saw the first "Thor" movie so many years ago, he was just a regular villain to me. I had little to no empathy for him, or just considered him frankly bad.

Then a lot of time passed, I missed the "Avengers" when it hit the theaters (I was neck deep in some other stuff back then, so it wasn't such a big deal that that happened; even though one of my friends urged me to... well, at least consider watching it...), and then, years later - back at home, one day I walk in on my mother watching something on the TV, and it was that iconic scene where Loki walks out on the Stark Tower, overlooking the battle for New York as it was just beginning, and I was like: "... Oh, Loki!" I mean, I know the horns and the outfit - so many cosplayers and fan arts never let me forget him, so I immediately jumped to the conclusion it was the "Avengers" movie I missed. And I decided to catch up.

I had so much homework, but by the time I was done, I became a huge Marvel fan all over again (Spidey got me into it all back in 2002(?) - he was the first superhero I watched on big screen, and he still remains my favorite - even though I never had a crush on the guy or anything). Yet even after catching up to the "Avengers" - no love for Loki. Not until... "The Dark World". And not the movie itself, it was that one particular scene that I'm guessing also got through to so many of his fans... the one in the dungeon, with him and his mother.

That was it. Those few relatable seconds I had with him, and I was hooked.

And that's how the Madness started...

 [link] - Try not to crack up because of my choice of music for this opportunity (althought I myself am cracking up XD) - it just goes so well......

Being the general type of fangirl that I am, I started coming up with fanfics and an OC right away... However, it didn't take me too much time to find out about Sigyn.

  

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sigyn

Loki's canon wife.

... I still don't know how to feel about Marvel not including her in the movie. Honestly, I think it gives Loki a bigger freedom of character, yet, on the other hand...

I've read so much about her. Well, from what I managed to dig up on the Internet. XD She fell into that image I had for an OC love interest for Loki so beautifully that I cannot describe. She's everything I wanted to put in that character and more. I love her so much and I grew to have a certain respect for her from the myths. It takes... so much devotion, patience, sacrifice, stoic qualities and compassion to just accept someone as Loki, let alone love him and be as fateful wife as she was/is.

... Don't take me wrong, but Sigyn from the comics was a fool. And no doubt would Loki use her for his tricks and mischief, even in the mythology itself, I'm sure of it - but I wanted to create something more....

... I'm done with the start of the story - however I'm at a stand-still point after the latest ongoings. Loki is a crazy cat - to put it most humbly, and I honestly don't know what's behind him. I can read some parts of him from a psychological point of view like looking at a mirror - but there is so much left unraveled, like walls and walls around his very center of being - and he probably is mad to some extent, as well as filled with vain, jealousy, bad choices and hatred, so you never really know what to expect from him. And Marvel is using all of that to it's fullest. I wonder if there IS someone among them who actually understands him and knows what his next moves will be and WHY - heck, I'm not sure even Tom Hiddleston knows his own role of the character completely yet.

Oh well... wish me luck with him. I wanted to create something similar to "Ragnarok" in my fictions, but I'm too late... XD So, I'd have to go with my own view on the comics, cartoons and movies combined and create my own story. (And with Marvel's universes canonically having so many different realities, it seriously doesn't sound like an idea that should be turned down.)

....

... Also, mentioning that I was "falling for the bad guys"...

It took me some time to understand that I love more than anything to see a bad character turn good. However, I hate clichés and even more than that I don't want to fall into that typical stereotype of WHY a good girl likes a bad boy - and don't expect my Sigyn to fall into that line - expect a GODDESS of Compassion.

... It's me having problems of coming up with that kind of a character that left me storyless at the moment. I've read of some real-life women that were Saints to their husbands, but I have yet to understand such... Godly devotion. I'm at my imaginative limits - as well as moral comprehensions, it seems. So this is going to be even harder...

... Unless I give up on everything and write my version. I'm just afraid that I'm going to push Loki OOC. And I don't want that. Even though... I know how some things about him ended, and that, at the end of it all - he really just wanted to be loved, accepted and appreciated.

And don't take my word for it - you have the whole canon multiverse to explore for confirmation...

So...

I'll leave you at that.

For now...

...

... As for SU...

Wish me luck there too.
I feel like I might just get off that train now, and this is not the first time it happened.
Some things keep pulling me back but... others keep pushing me away, and I don't know which one will prevail.
......
OMG, listen to my way of talking. XD

"Thor" really had an influence on me...

...